To be totally blunt, I’ve been sucked into a vortex of emotional toxicity. As it started to completely consume me, I became anxious, insecure, scattered, and doubtful. Worst of all, I found myself steering away from the positive world I’ve worked so hard to create for myself, and was tempted by the unhealthy excitement that comes with superficial and frivolous relationships.
Coincidentally, I also lost my footing after completing the detox and making a re-entry into the “normal” world. Suddenly, I was socializing more, drinking red wine, and indulging in restaurant food before dancing the night away. Obviously, there’s nothing inherently wrong with a few nights out on the town, but the overindulgences shook me to my core.
Being surrounded by energy that sucks the life out of you is a really scary feeling. Dragging my feet, I was heaving my tired body out of bed, my stomach feeling empty and my heart feeling lonely. I was questioning my judgement. And while my logical mind said that it was a temporary glitch, I still felt like doomsday was coming-and coming fast. Obviously, my lizard brain (the counterpart of my logical mind) has a very vivid imagination.
After hefty doses of tough love and seemingly endless contemplation, the universe sent me a gift (as it always does). Two of my favourite women, Terri Cole and Danielle LaPorte, spilled all about betrayal on Terri’s podcast, Hello Freedom. Of course, this came through my inbox, just as it was meant to.
The upsides of betrayal and deception?! Upsides? How can that even be?!
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you’ve been betrayed at least once in your life. I absolutely have, and most of the time, I beat myself up over it, wondering repeatedly why I haven’t perfectly learned my lesson. Why do I engage in the same patterns with the same harmful people? Why does the process seem endless? And why—WHY—do I keep going back for more?
The thing is, people come in and out of our lives, all with different purposes, and all for different periods of time. Everyone can be a teacher if you’re willing to learn. While some lessons are more painful than others, they all have the power to aid in your personal evolution. By processing a betrayal, you’re mining that experience for the gold it holds so you can let go of the rest, (according to Terri Cole, and I’ve gotta say, I totally agree).
Mining the experience for gold. That’s powerful, primarily because knowing why you’re stuck in a bad place is typically half the battle. Knowing that there’s a purpose to the struggle is the other half.
So here’s the magic formula, according to Danielle LaPorte: If you want to be a light worker, play on certain levels, and be whole, then you’ve got to see the dark. You’ve got to be deceived. You’ve got to deal with your own shadow stuff.
Your desperate shadow self is always lurking around the corner, and the art of taming the shadow is a lifelong, never ending process of self-actualization that’ll ebb and flow. Treat it like a game. Relook at your betrayals with a different set of lenses, framing them as opportunities for growth.
After all, you’ve come far, and your self compassion opens the floodgates to new lessons and a fuller life.
This stuff is not for sissies. (Well put, Terri and Danielle.) And if you need some help rediscovering your light and finding the best way to show yourself kindness, connect with me over here. Together, we’ll work towards your best self.