Eagerly awaiting the arrival of my rustic bouquet, I searched for the flower truck last Sunday morning through the windows of my living room. I’d already sacrificed days without flowers in my home and was missing their presence. Once upon a time, flowers rocked every room in my house. They were a regular part of my grocery list among all the produce, dairy and meat. And now? Not so much. But I made the choice to make an expensive purchase that week for my flowers than I normally would’ve because I needed to be topped up.
From awareness comes choice and integrity.
My life has become a series of choices in the past couple of months. Choices that involve simple decisions such as choosing deliveries over in store purchases, home cooking over take outs and flowers over no flowers.
And then there are those choices we never thought we had. I’m talking about life altering choices that seem to have appeared out of the blue except they didn’t. They were always there-we just didn’t see them.
We’re living in a time of profound choice right now. What will you choose?
A theme’s been emerging among many people I know. It appears that we’re paying close attention to and re-thinking relationships, friendships and community. I’m in this boat too…in a big way!
You see, the old me would’ve stayed in a relationship or a friendship because it was familiar and because there wasn’t anything too wrong with it. My fall back has always been “I know he or she will drop everything to be there for me if I was in trouble”. And I thought that was enough until now.
It’s actually not good enough at all. It’s quite the illusion.
If I’m only maintaining relationships that’ll serve me during times of periodic crises, what’s happening in the in-between? The in-between is where I spend most of my life.
And more recently, I proved myself completely wrong. I believed that during times of crises, good friends support each other-which still remains true! But here’s the catch, the opposite holds true too. The friends and relationships that I’d kept around in the event of a crisis weren’t able to show up anyway because they were overly consumed by their own stuff – stuff that was showing up for them in a big way as a result of the same crisis.
All this to say that this silly notion I had going on where I was holding onto connections for security was the exact thing that was preventing me from moving ahead.
On a positive note, it got me thinking about what actually makes for a good community, good friendships and overall, just good connections?
When I think back to all the times I’ve experienced the kind of connections with others that left me craving for more of the same, three things have always shown up:
- I felt lit up and not just in a cerebral way but energetically in my body.
- I walked away from the conversations feeling inspired.
- I felt heard (this one is a BIGGIE!)
And it goes without saying that the other person needs to feel the same in your company too.
Here’s another way to look at it. If I maintain friendships just for the sake of history (i.e. the number of years we’ve been friends) or because I don’t want to rock the boat, in essence to avoid awkwardness and confrontations, then I’m not doing the other person or myself any favours. What energy am I bringing to the table? (I can promise you it’s not a good one!). What meaning and value does that connection have at the end? Frankly, it’s barren.
Do you want barren?
Or do you want to create space for beautiful connections, ones that add value to your life with humans who’re interested in your purpose just as much as they’re interested in your love life and sob stories?
Allow yourself to be picky when it comes to your relationships, your connections and your community. This is your opportunity to take inventory and to make tough decisions on who’s allowed in and is worthy of your attention. I can’t emphasize this enough.
To be in community with people who share your values is a sacred act.
Let me paint a picture for you on what that means for me. I’m making room in my life for people who….
Are interested in learning what keeps me up at night
Make space for me to share instead of monopolizing conversations
Have growth mindsets
Are thriving not just surviving
Speak and act their truth-have integrity
Believe in being vulnerable to create deep connections
Prioritize growing into the best versions of themselves
Welcome hard conversations
Lean in and ask for help during times of hardships
Love me exactly as I am –perfectly imperfect
And I know you know this saying:
You’re the average of the five people you surround yourself with ~Jim Rohn
How does that make you feel in your body? Who are the people that show up in your mind map? Are you happy with that image?
For a while there, I wasn’t happy with my own image. I’d allowed stale relationships to invade my life for way too long which also meant that I was left without any energy to pursue those relationships that’d actually would fuel me.
As we continue to sit and await the passing of this pandemic, now is as good a time as any to turn inwards and spend it in devotion. As you see in the image, the Two of Pentacles is all about juggling way too much and turning our back on hard things that we don’t want to deal with. The card is here to tell you to take inventory and to get rid of things that no longer serve you as challenging as that process might be. It also includes saying good bye to relationships that have run their course so that you can feel lighter and more free. Shift that energy.
While the first quarter of the year was all about hibernation for me, since the end of April, I can strongly sense that the next quarter will be about community.
If you’re craving deep and intimate connections during this time of social distancing, join me in community where we’ll not only return to our dreams and desires for 2020 but also show up for each other to ensure that the remainder of this year is all about thriving, not just surviving.
The Live Your Word Community is exactly that-a curated retreat.
Imagine monthly Sunday morning gatherings with your coffee in one hand and journal in another, deeply engaged in heart centered conversations with humans who light you up and remind you of your worth, your courage and your gifts. In our time together, we’ll harness the power of our words of the year for anchoring, for forward momentum and for cultivating community.
By December 2020, you’ll be in awe of all that has transpired just because you stayed with it. The magic is in staying with it and it all starts with the right community.
This community isn’t just for those who’ve set a word of the year-that’s the easy part and I can help you with that! It’s for anyone and everyone who wants to be a part of more than they are right now, to feel lifted and to feel like they belong. That’s what it should feel like to be in community.
If you are being called to community, take the leap – we’re waiting for you. Click here for more on the virtual Live Your Word community and I’ll see you there. We start on June 14.
Image: The Light Seer’s Tarot ~ Chris-Anne
