Simplify Your Life by Stripping Out The Self DoubtMar 28, 2015
My inner critic can go suck an egg. I think as humans—and women in particular—we downplay our work, settle for less than we deserve, and forget how important we are. What caused all this thinking? A phone call last week. A past coaching client rang me up to let me know how much she values the work we did together, and how the tools she learned through coaching have lead her to a grounded life full of reflection, even when things are challenging.
You can obviously imagine how that made me feel. In a nutshell: HELL YES!
We all want to know (and feel) that what we’re doing matters, and while being of service to Indian women reaaaaaaaally lights me up, it’s still too easy to get discouraged sometimes.
But rather than wallowing, hiding, and holing up, I found Tara Mohr’s program, Playing Big. It’s had a huge impact on the way I see myself and has totally taught me how to leave that comfortable space of shying away so I can start showing up. (P.S. By the way, Playing Big is now a book!)
As Tara says, “The costs of women’s self-doubt are enormous”.
Because here’s the thing. It’s so easy to make up excuses. (Ridiculously easy. Like eat-takeaway-in-the-bath easy.) You’re not going to like this, but I have to lay it on the line—you are your worst enemy. I’m willing to bet you’ve sighed down to your soul, frustrated and overwhelmed, muttering, “I can’t do that, I have the kids to look after,” or, “It’s just too risky,” or, “That can wait until I have enough money,” and the eventual, “I’m too old to start something new.” The thing about waiting for the “right” time is that eventually, you’ll feel like it’s too late. (Though for the record, it never is.)
I still have shudder-inducing flashbacks to the times during my marriage when I was immediately shut down for dreaming big as my now ex-husband wagged his finger and accused me of being unrealistic. I believed him. But now that I look back, thinking less of myself caused me to miss out on what I wanted most: a life built on intention and love.
I’m so proud to say that I’ve (mostly) overcome the haters inside my head. Really, it all boils down to the online mentors I’ve been following for a few years, and I can’t even begin to fully explain how drastically my life and mindset shifted once I was in their space. (Heck, I have a business now! Surely, that counts for a lot.) Obviously, most of my mentors are women since I’m so drawn to that powerful feminine energy, and I’m loving not only how dedicated these women are to creating a positive impact in this world, but that they’re so real—just like you and I.
Sure, they’ve had their struggles, but they’re still open about sharing their hero’s journey for the rest of us to learn from, grow from, and be inspired by. I absolutely admire their vulnerability and rising up after every single fall. (Basically, I have no choice but to follow their lead.)
If you’re on the hunt for a mentor of your very own, I can’t wait for you to check out:
I’ve also carefully surrounded myself by other women in the same boat as me so we can sail around and sip on a great red while supporting each other. (Wink.) It’s all about building a friend circle that’s filled with people who’re right in the thick of creating their own BIG thing. I’m massively inspired by my new peers in Jonathan Field’s tribe—called the Good life Project—and through my participation in the CAPP (Certification in Applied Positive Psychology) program. The connections I’ve made through these groups are worth a pot of gold on their own. I’m constantly challenged, supported, and reminded to keep my eye on that sparkling prize.
And thirdly, working with a coach has easily been one of the very best investments I’ve ever made. (How is that for a definitive statement?) Having someone alongside you to offer you an alternative perspective, to help you find your voice, to encourage and support you during times of self doubt and self criticism and to provide you with a container to grow in is a surefire way to elevate your life.
Ready to create that life you’ve been dreaming about? Here’s how you start.
- Find a mentor to inspire you, either online or in-person. Sign up for her or his weekly newsletter for regular inbox motivation. Also, don’t skip the uplifting vlogs (video blogs).
- Connect with your tribe. Find the peeps that really lift you up and with whom you share a common goal. I found my tribe through online and in person courses being the life long learner that I am. Usually, you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home to connect with others. (HOORAY, technology!)
- Invest in a business or life coach. Working with them means working on yourself, and we could all use more pivotal growth.
In a world where success surrounds us and the possibilities are quite literally limitless, don’t sit on the sidelines when you can live BIG. If you’re ready to dip your toe into erasing the self-doubt that’s holding you back, give one of the tricks above a try! (I’d love to hear which one works best for you.) Or. Contact me. I’m all ears.